


Bury your loneliness in me.

by fate_incomplete



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-15 10:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/526072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fate_incomplete/pseuds/fate_incomplete
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was one of those days where nothing short of a bottle of the most toxic alcohol Jack could buy would do, at least until an unexpected meeting with the Doctor leads to something more than either of them anticipated.  Maybe, just maybe, one day they can both put aside their loneliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bury your loneliness in me.

The bar was one of those that made even the mere idea of accidentally brushing against any of the surfaces cause any sane person's immune system go into a fit of hysterics, sure to be followed by OCD hand washing or full body scrub.

In other words, it was exactly what he was looking for.

Jack pushed his way to the bar, ordering the first thing he recognised in the mottled collection of alcohol lining the shelves. He gulped it down, and paid for the rest of the bottle. It was one of those days where nothing short of a bottle of the most toxic stuff he could buy would do.

He finished another glass as he made his way towards the back of the room to the only empty table he could see, growling at anyone he bumped into, the flippant smile and easy charm tattered and forgotten.

Six hours ago, another friend had been added to an ever growing list of people he had known that had died horribly, the curse of his ever constant life. He wanted to forget, he wanted to drown himself in the fogginess of alcohol. It would only be a matter of time until he truly did forget the face, the name. He just wanted to get a head start on the process, even if that loss of memory would only add to his pain.

Half a bottle later, just as the room was starting to get a nice haze and the dinginess started to fade, Jack noticed a man enter the bar. He took another mouthful, swishing it over his tongue, as he wondered if he was drunker than he thought. What on earth would _he_ , of all people, be doing in a place like this?

The hat was new, so was the ridiculous bow tie. Not to mention the face. He swallowed slowly, still able to feel the burn as the liquid slid down his throat, so not that drunk then. It was probably just a half wishful, completely illogical fantasy that the man across the room, was the man he had spent so long trying to find, all those years ago now.

It looked nothing like either of the Doctor's he had known, but Jack knew that the Timelord had regenerated since they last met. Whispers of the Doctor easily heard by those who cared, or who sought them out, as much as Jack tried to convince himself he fitted neither of those categories.

He had heard only descriptions of this 'new' Doctor, but as the man glanced around the room, something in those eyes, old eyes, was enough to convince Jack it was him. The suspicion was confirmed as a whisper spread through the crowd, a few discrete exits were made by those with a healthy dose of self preservation, escaping the presence of one of the most feared beings in the universe.

Jack swirled his glass, the green hue of the liquid catching the dim light. A half hearted smile disappearing before truly forming at the thought, 'of all the gin joints', beaten by grief, lethargy and a sheer inability to care, before it could do more than quirk his lips.

The Doctor didn't see Jack, too engrossed in a conversation with one of the other patrons. Well not so much conversation as threatening, Jack judged by the suddenly white pallor of the other man's face as he was caught in the Doctor's gaze, the Timelord stepping well into his personal space.

Jack felt a glimmer of curiosity about what was being said despite his mood. It had been so long since he had been in the same room as the Doctor. Even with the distance between them, Jack felt a familiar twinge in the pit of his stomach. A churning that was part anger, longing, inadequacy and elation mixed together to form some strange sensation that enigmatically embodied the Doctor to him.

The Doctor was a headlong dash into danger and adventure that was impossible to escape or forget. Really not what he needed in his current emotional state, but irresistible none the less. As the Doctor finished his 'conversation' with the stranger, Jack guzzled what was left of the bottle, and bought another one, before following him outside.

Jack scanned the mottled crowd of aliens in the street outside, half hoping he would lose sight of the Doctor, so he could turn around and continue his plunge into inebriation. His fingers gripped the bottle tighter as he spotted the conspicuous cowboy hat. He followed without another thought.

The pair wove through the crowd, Jack following, not entirely sure why he was bothering to catch up. It had been years since they had seen each other. The Doctor had probably not even given him a second thought as he gallivanted around the universe with whomever he had picked up as a companion this time.

He turned the corner into a dark alley, the TARDIS sitting innocuously in the shadows. Jack reached out and grabbed the Doctor's elbow as he was opening the door, just drunk enough to not give a damn what reaction his appearance would receive.

The Doctor spun around, unsuccessfully trying to cover a surprised yelp. Jack almost didn't notice, caught by the contradictory youthful features holding those ancient eyes.

"Jack?"

"Doctor," Jack replied automatically.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, I _was_ drinking," Jack said, holding up the bottle as evidence.

The Doctor smiled without humour, lips pressed together as he studied Jack with what looked like confusion. The warm buzz of the alcohol was really starting to take hold now.

"This is new," Jack said waving his hand to indicate the Doctor's new look.

"Not so much," the Doctor answered, looking strangely sad.

There was a story there somewhere, but Jack wasn't sure he was in the mood for it. He was about to make a quick exit, and take his bottle somewhere quiet to finish it off.

"Did you want to see the new control room? The last one kind off blew up," the Doctor asked.

Jack wasn't sure if the invitation was genuine or merely an attempt at civility, though he didn't really remember manners being the Doctor's strong suit. The bottle wasn't going anywhere, so he followed the Doctor inside.

The new control room was impressive, so much brighter, and livelier somehow. The Timelord adjusted his bowtie as he watched Jack take it all in, looking as uncertain about what to say as Jack felt. Jack circled the console as an awkward silence grew between them.

"Nice," Jack eventually said letting out an appreciative whistle.

"I'm rather fond of it. Want to take her for a spin?"

Jack looked across the console to the Doctor who was rocking on the balls of his feet. He had been surprised enough at having been invited in, let alone receiving an offer to fly the old girl. He ran his fingers across the metal fondly, so familiar yet completely different.

"I think I've had too much alcohol to be driving," Jack said, holding up the bottle as proof.

The Doctor shrugged, adjusting his bow tie again, almost like a nervous tic. "Where do you want to go then?" he asked after a moment's pause.

"Does it really matter?"

The Doctor looked like he was about to say something, before hiding it behind a grin. Jack slumped down in the jump chair, opening the bottle and drinking as he watched the Doctor. The almost manic mannerisms were familiar, though more exaggerated. Jack let the scene wash over him as the Doctor started to babble. He had no idea if the Doctor was talking to him or the TARDIS. Maybe both.

It was strangely comforting, or disturbingly comfortable more to the point. So much time had passed since he had last been in the TARDIS, two, three hundred years? The alcohol was starting to make his brain fuzzy and he couldn't be bothered to remember exactly how long it had been.

It didn't really matter anyway. He had no doubt he wouldn't be here long this time either.

The Doctor was messing with the monitor as they materialised somewhere, flashing looks over at Jack filled with some sort of emotion Jack couldn't decipher. He took another swig from the quickly emptying bottle. It wasn't having the desired effect as he found himself wallowing in it instead of forgetting his misery.

The TARDIS seemed oddly empty. Last time he had been here it had been filled with people the Doctor had befriended.

"Who are you travelling with this time?"

The Doctor paused a moment before answering. "Just me."

"Really?"

Jack was surprised. The Doctor always had someone with him.

"Been banging around alone for awhile now."

"Seems to always end up that way doesn't it," Jack said, taking another mouthful, feeling it slide down his throat without the accompanying burn as numbness set in. "Guess we're all really alone, just fooling ourselves by trying to fill the emptiness."

Jack stared at the floor, rolling the bottle between his fingers. He didn't look up when the Doctor spoke.

"Jack, what happened?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

Jack sighed. "What always happens. Other people die, I don't."

The Doctor didn't say anything. Really, what could he say?

"You know, I thought about throwing myself into a black hole just to end it all once. Only I didn't know if it would actually kill me, or I would just end up spending an eternity being torn apart."

"Jack..."

"It doesn't matter."

Jack stood on legs that wobbled alarmingly, intending to head straight out the door to whatever planet they had landed on and forget he had ever seen the Doctor again. The Doctor reached out and grabbed his arm though.

Jack looked down at the Doctor's hand, fixated on the feel of it through his coat.

He didn't' walk out. He turned. Reaching up and tangling his fingers in that long hair instead, eyes caught by the way the glow of the rotor reflected off the moisture on the Doctor's lips. The Doctor didn't stop him, so he did something he would probably regret. Jack leant in and greedily lost himself in the taste of those lips.

The Doctor stiffened, though still didn't pull away. Jack could feel his hands fidgeting as if they didn't know what to do. Jack pulled back slightly, the fog of alcohol lifting enough for him to enjoy the feel of hair between his fingers and the scent of the Doctor, as well a slight tingle of alarm from what he had just done.

Jack licked his lips, close enough still that the movement brushed his tongue against the Doctor's lips as well as his own. He felt a tremble run through the Doctor's body, caught by uncertainty, Jack hesitated, the urge to run building again.

The Doctor closed the distance between them though, parting lips hesitantly, almost experimentally. The kiss deepened, hungry and full of pain Jack desperately tried to loose in a rush of hands seeking the warmth of skin. Not really knowing what he was doing, only that he needed what the Doctor was willingly giving to him.

It was all rushed at first; buttons fumbled undone impatiently, legs tangling as they found themselves pressed up against the console. Hip bones rubbing against each other in an effort to be closer, before the Doctor trapped Jack's hands behind his back, slowing everything down, until all that Jack was aware of was the sensation of having the Doctor run his tongue achingly along his collar bone.

Jack let himself become lost in the moment, pushing aside the pain and heartache of a lengthy past and impossibly longer future. Each caress easing tension until the pleasure became almost unbearable. They didn't hurry though, extending this unexpected break in the gloom as long as possible, until neither one of them could wait any longer.

Jack came, body trembling. He realised almost distantly that the Doctor followed him over the edge a moment later. They leaned against each other, awkwardly balanced half on top of the console, as beeping sounds indicated they had bumped more than a few controls.

Jack didn't want to move, to leave the warmth of the Doctor where they were pressed together, but they could hardly stay in their precarious position. They parted, both straightening clothing, the momentary relief fading with each button Jack did up.

The Doctor smiled, brighter and more compelling than before, and still a little dishevelled.

"You know, this planet is kind of boring, what do you say we find somewhere more interesting."

The Doctor rushed around the console, rattling off possible destinations they could see together while the night was still young, coatless with suspenders still hanging loosely. Jack smiled sadly. He grabbed his coat and walked out the door while the Doctor was distracted.

He had lost too much, but the Doctor was the one thing he didn't think he could survive loosing if he let himself get too close. Jack was ten steps outside the door when he heard the Doctor calling after him.

"Jack, wait. Please."

Jack didn't though, gritting his jaw against the raw pain, not able to turn back. He activated his wrist band, teleporting to the nearest ship it locked onto, refusing to acknowledge the ache from the echoing call of the Doctor as it reverberated in his thoughts. Guilt and the thought of more grief stopping him from going straight back, from allowing himself that comfort.

.......................

The Doctor stared out at the empty field for a long while, trying to figure out exactly what had happened. He turned around, unsurprised to see his current companion walking towards him, despite the fact he had left him on another planet to collect intel on the current situation with the Silence, who weren't content with having stripped away almost everything he cared about.

Of course he would know to show up here, now. It was part his own past after all.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" The Doctor asked, caught between anger and guilt.

Jack shrugged, "What do you always say? Spoilers."

"How early was that for you?"

"About a hundred years or so before you found me on Sontar."

The Doctor took that piece of information in. It was three years since Sontar, since they had started travelling together permanently, fighting, running. In all that time neither had shown as much vulnerability or let emotions shine through so clearly as this moment.

Three years that the Doctor had never known Jack carried the memory of this one night together. The Doctor closed his eyes. He always managed to hurt Jack it seemed, even when he didn't know he was doing it.

"You were so lonely, so..."

"It was a long time ago," Jack cut in.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I don't know. Everything," the Doctor replied quietly.

Jack shoved his hands in his coat pockets, looking up at the stars, presumably at wherever his younger self had gone. All of that past pain etched in his face, which looked no older to someone who didn't know where to look. It showed in his eyes though, old eyes that had seen too much

The Doctor fidgeted with his bow tie, wondering if either of them would ever be truly free of the pain their long lives brought.

"You helped me that night, things got better," Jack said, glancing at the Doctor before walking towards the TARDIS.

The Doctor stared at his retreating back. The words were meant to be comforting, but the Doctor was pretty sure they were a lie. He thought it was more probable it had taken the better part of a century before that past Jack had started to crawl out of a bottle, given the state Jack had been in when he rescued him from a battalion of Sontaran three years ago.

He had kept Jack at a distance since they started travelling together again, too damn afraid to let anyone in after he had lost all of those closest to him. He knew he had asked Jack to come with him back on Sontar partly because at least Jack was a companion he couldn't get killed. The Doctor had always known deep down that it hadn't been fair, had actually been cruel in a way.

He had come to cherish Jack's friendship, rely on it even. He wondered if he was capable of taking the risk to give Jack anything more. For the first time in a long time, he thought the hazard of letting someone in was more than worth the pain it may bring. After all, it was the growing bond between them that had driven him to offer comfort to the younger Jack tonight.

He shoved his hands in his trouser pockets, the night air cold without his coat as he headed back to the warmth of the TARDIS, and whatever else it might hold. Maybe he could prove to Jack, and himself, that they didn't have to always end up alone.


End file.
